As a data-driven sports analyst, I dive into the bizarre case of Serhou Guirassy, the Stuttgart striker who found himself under fire for everything from his work rate to his pre-game kebab habit. In this piece, I break down how modern football fandom creates irrational scapegoats, analyze Guirassy's actual performance metrics during his 'slump,' and explain why blaming doner consumption for bad form is about as logical as blaming full moons for missed penalties. Stats don't lie - but angry fans often do.