The Kebab Chronicles: How a Striker's Diet Became the Scapegoat for Stuttgart's Struggles

When Football Fans Need a Villain

In my five years analyzing performance metrics across European leagues, I’ve seen players blamed for losses for reasons ranging from questionable haircuts to dating Instagram models. But Stuttgart striker Serhou Guirassy’s case takes the… well, kebab.

The Numbers Behind the Narrative

During his much-criticized ‘slump’ earlier this season, Guirassy’s underlying stats told an interesting story:

• Expected Goals (xG): 0.38 per 90 (only 0.06 below his career average)
• Pressures/90: Actually increased by 12% compared to previous season
• Sprint Distance: Remained in 85th percentile among Bundesliga forwards

The data suggests not a player who ‘stopped trying,’ but one experiencing normal variance in finishing - something every analyst understands as inevitable regression to the mean.

The Absurdity of Food Shaming

Guirassy’s revelation that critics even monitored his doner kebab consumption highlights football’s unhealthy obsession with athletes’ personal lives. For context:

• The average Bundesliga player burns 3,000+ calories per match
• Professional nutritionists design individualized plans accounting for cultural preferences
• There’s zero correlation between occasional fast food and multi-game slumps

Yet social media transformed a cultural staple into some imaginary performance killer. As if Robert Lewandowski became Europe’s deadliest striker by never touching pierogi.

The Psychology of Scapegoating

My Reddit analytics show these patterns emerge when:

1. Teams underperform expectations
2. One player’s production becomes slightly inconsistent
3. Media identifies an ‘easy target’ with visible differences (foreign players face this disproportionately)

Guirassy checked all boxes: new to Germany, unconventional playing style, and yes - unapologetic about enjoying local cuisine.

The Comeback No One Noticed

Since February, Guirassy has quietly returned to form:

• Scored in DFB-Pokal final (0.89 xG on the goal)
• Created 1.2 chances/90 in last 10 matches (+40% from slump period) But you won’t see trending hashtags about how kebabs suddenly became performance-enhancing.

Maybe someday fans will realize: Footballers are humans who eat, slump, and occasionally crave street food. The numbers always tell the real story - if we bother to look.