As a sports data analyst with a passion for dissecting football narratives, I break down the shocking *L'Équipe* poll where 44% of French voters crowned Ousmane Dembélé as their Ballon d'Or pick—ahead of Mbappé and Yamal. Using defensive entropy metrics and chance creation stats, I explore whether this is Parisian bias or a legitimate case of undervalued brilliance. Spoiler: The numbers might surprise you more than the poll itself.